Monday, July 30, 2001

Everybody's got their something


thank you for this morning.
thank you for giving in.
i needed that.
i need more of that.

.what's yours?.

Friday, July 27, 2001

I have motivation...

I am going to learn how to do this damn computer thing after all. maybe...

It hit me upside the head this evening, what I have been doing. All my running, avoiding my responsibilities, rollin' with it, "hiding from life," all comes down to one thing: I don't like my life. Correction: I didn't like my life.

I do not want to get up at 6:30 and take my 'old man' to school, go home and watch t.v or run 'errands.' I do not want to trade my car at class time at Hometown University, studing business because it would be 'a good thing to major in,' metting up with my future husband and father of my children after class, only to take him to work and then go put in my 4-10 as a retail-bitch. I do not want to get off of work and go to dinner at the same lame-ass Denny's with my girlfriends, after I have picked up my man, of course. I am not interested.

I have been negelcting "my life" lately. Finding refuge in someone else's world. I find myself clinging to that sense of freedom when it is time to go home. I made all the changes I thought I needed to make, I lost the boy, I got a good job, and I set some school goals (kinda). Yet, I still feel like a prisoner in my own home. I have been making my friends angry and my family has been pushed distant. I have been driving other friends crazy with my constant pressence. I claim to be getting better, but am I? I realized tonite it all comes down to one simple point:

.I am not happy.

damn, now what?